Luke Kenneth Sherwood was born on July 8, 2010 at 6:52 a.m., weighing 7 pounds, 5 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. Beautiful blonde-red hair adorned his little head and he was in fact perfect in every way... except one. Luke was born sleeping.
His loving parents, Ken and Simone, had anxiously awaited his arrival. Simone recalls, “When I found out we were expecting, the love I instantly felt remains indescribable. Hopes and dreams of our future would cloud my mind. Luke truly was our miracle.”
There were minimal complications during the pregnancy. At Simone’s final ultrasound at 39.5 weeks, her amniotic fluid was a little low. So as a precaution, an induction was scheduled for later that day. Although labor progressed quickly, it seemed all was well. The expectant parents knew it wouldn’t be long before they would meet their son.
Simone explains the tragic events that followed. “I began having severe pains in my abdomen that felt different than contractions. Shortly after these pains, Luke’s heartbeat monitor fell silent. Luke had to be delivered immediately, and despite the desperate efforts of the medical team, he was not able to be resuscitated.
“Ken was the one to tell me... he had to tell me that Luke was gone“ said Simone tearfully. “I couldn’t believe it. The pain of losing him was incomprehensible. I screamed through uncontrollable sobs as Ken held me”.
They spent several hours with their baby boy, bathing and dressing him. Holding him... saying both hello and goodbye. “These are difficult memories, but ones we are truly grateful for and will cherish always.”
Months later, the medical team informed Ken and Simone that the probable cause of Luke’s death was a silent placental abruption. Their beautiful miracle had become a “rare occurrence”.
“Why? Why couldn’t they get my 7 pound 5 oz. perfectly healthy boy out safely?” Simone questions daily. “We put faith in modern medicine and rarely consider the possibility that a baby may die, especially when that baby is healthy and full-term. I thought I did all the right things during my pregnancy.”
Unfortunately, even when we think we’re doing all the right things, bad things can happen.
These kinds of losses leave the most devastating scars. While countless couples suffer the loss of a pregnancy, very few feel able discuss the grief, the anger and confusion, the loss of their dream.
While miscarriage is fairly common (1 in 5 pregnancies), there are few forums available to assist grieving parents. Loss of a child upon their birth is less common, occurring in 6 of 1000 births. The devastation and isolation is overwhelming, and support resources are few. Parents view their loss as a personal failure and come to understand life will never, ever be the same.
“I felt so alone, like no one understood. Our lives had been hopelessly changed and uncertain,” Simone explained. “It was hard to face the day... sometimes it still is. Sometimes I feel guilty if I smile or laugh, because my son is not here; but then I remember Luke and that he would want us to be happy”.
Although it’s been ten months since Simone received the tragic news
that her son Luke, died during a difficult birth, the nursery in their
Greenbank
home sits as if awaiting his arrival. Simone often spends time in this room,
pondering what could have been.
To help them survive their grief, Ken and Simone tried to surround themselves with people who listened and cared. Family, friends and the community were an amazing support for them. “We have learned that men and women grieve differently. But while we may have been, and continue to be, in different places with our grief, we try to be supportive of each other.”
Simone also recalls the friendships that have been created, although under the unfortunate circumstances of having to share the bond of losing a child. “It really helped me to talk to women who have gone through similar experiences, just to get out my feelings and know that what I’m feeling is normal. Sharing with these amazing women made me realize that I really would survive this devastating loss.”
Simone and Ken also attend a support group for bereaved parents through Perinatal Bereavement Services of Ontario (PBSO), which has been a valuable source of comfort. Parents can share their grief with others who truly understand. “The group, while sometimes painful, is also so very helpful.” These intimate stories, mingled amongst tears and faded dreams, allow the healing to occur.
Simone also spends a lot of time writing stories and poems, which has proven highly cathartic. She shares her writing online to assist other grieving parents and educate those that cannot begin to comprehend the loss of a child. Simone weeps but graciously shares the blessings hidden amongst the pain.
“I am a better person because of Luke. I am a better wife, teacher, daughter, sister, and friend. I am a different person now; I understand the preciousness of life. I cherish people more and I focus on the positive, the blessings I have.”
It is in honour of Luke’s memory and their hope to make him proud that drives this couple forward and pushes them to help others. “Even though people didn’t meet Luke, they truly knew him and he has touched many lives so profoundly.”
“I want to help others, I want to make a difference” states Simone passionately. “We have been through a terribly tragic event that doesn’t make any sense. The only way I can make some sense of it, is to try to help others who have suffered a loss.”
Last fall, Simone participated in a rally, organized by PBSO, at Queen’s Park last fall to promote awareness for pregnancy and infant loss. “We want the province of Ontario to recognize this issue and declare October 15 as “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day”, just as many other provinces, the United States and other countries have,” she says.
Families need to receive understanding and support as they suffer perinatal loss.
Moving forward, Simone and Ken are organizing the “For Love of Luke” Memorial Golf Tournament to be held at Mill Run Golf Club on Saturday, June 4, 2011. In spite of their grief, they aim to honour the memory of their son and raise both awareness and funds for the SickKids Foundation and Perinatal Bereavement Services of Ontario.
“We want to support these causes as they provide so much information, treatment and support to parents and children,” stated Simone emphatically. “Mill Run is graciously supporting this endeavour, as are many of our friends and family”.
Simone and Ken are looking for community supporters as well. “Anything anyone can offer is deeply appreciated. We need event sponsors, hole sponsors tournament prizes, silent auction items, and of course, participants!”
To learn more about Simone, Ken and their angel baby Luke, the causes they support and about this event, please go to www.golfmillrun.com/forloveofluke or you may contact Simone at simoneclarkson@hotmail.com.
By Simone Clarkson,
and Tammy Horvath
Special to Focus on Scugog
