“It still seems so strange to think that I have a brother!” As Brian Tassell speaks these words, it’s hard to ignore the look of astonishment in his eyes. Indeed, the past three years have been completely life altering for Brian and his sister Brenda.
However, as Brian prefers to look at it, the past three years of his life have been about self-discovery. His life has taken him down a road unlike anything he’d ever imagined and, as both he and Brenda believe, they owe these past three years to helping them achieve a sense of closure they never thought possible.
Imagine learning after 51 years, that you had an unknown sibling! This astounding discovery helped to spur the beginning of what both describe as self-revelation.
Three years ago, Brian received a letter from a man named Graham Tassell, who claimed to be his younger brother. While many family members were initially doubtful of the claim, Brian insists he was instantly intrigued. “It just seemed right,” he says, still in awe of his realization.
To this day he has a hard time explaining why he was immediately overcome with such firm belief.
Coincidently, this sudden pang of certainty was the same feeling Graham was experiencing as he came across Brian’s name while researching his family tree.
For Graham, his interest was immediately sparked when his father made a comment to him right before his passing. “He told me, ‘you need to find Brenda and Brian,’” explains Graham, as he recalls the day in perfect memory.
Of course, at the time, as Graham says, all he could do was stand in bewilderment. He didn’t have the slightest clue who his father was referring to.
However, bit by bit the pieces to the puzzle began to form. Graham recollects a series of mysterious events at family functions that led him to believe something significant was on the horizon.
As he mentions these events, he and his wife, Dee, glance at each other and recalled they were both spooked when a family member mentioned the names Brenda and Brian at a family wedding.
“I had no idea who this person was,” says Graham, “but she came up to me and said, ‘have you met Brenda and Brian yet?’ When I gave a look of confusion she added, ‘you will in two weeks.’”
The spooky part about this is that it was exactly two weeks later that he contacted and began writing to Brenda.
Since that time, the three siblings have had the chance to build a relationship that might never have even been given the chance to start.
Sitting with Brian and Graham on a Friday morning, a day before Graham and his wife returned home to England, it’s near impossible not to notice the striking similarities in their appearance. Their bright blue eyes and full-bodied smiles are a straight give-away.
In fact, while Brian does insist that he “knew from the beginning” that Graham was his true brother, everyone was convinced when they saw the two together.
“Our interests are completely the same,” explains Brian with excitement as he lists off the various, and somewhat ironic, ways that he and his brother are alike.
“It’s so strange because Brian and Graham both worked at the same place for many years, but at different times and under different management,” explains Brenda.
So while it may be just a coincidence that both brothers live for boating (but don’t eat fish) or that they worked as auto mechanics for many years and love “getting messy with grease and oil,” (as Graham puts it) there are certain similarities that are somewhat mystifying.
One thing is for sure; it was certainly no coincidence that Brian and Graham still cherish the same specific characteristics of their father.
They recall his passion for relaxing by the river in their hometown of Maidstone, Kent (a town outside of London), and the eagerness he had to spend his time with his children there. They recall the problems he had with his knee and shared a laugh when they discovered that they too have both had to have their knee cartilage removed.
The shared memories of their father have only further solidified the bond between the two brothers. As Brian says with complete integrity, “I’m just so proud to be his brother.”
Listening to the three siblings talking, it seems like they’ve known each other all their lives. It’s easy to feel a sense of awe at the fact that they were separated for so long. So how is it possible to go for 51 years not knowing you had a brother?
Brian explains, losing track of his family was really a due of the times. “Our parents were separated and that was considered taboo… no one talked about it. Everything about our father was kept behind closed doors.”
“We also didn’t want to upset our mother who took such great care of us,” adds Brenda. “And she never wanted to talk about our father. I think it was too hard for her.”
They explained that during the war they were both “literally picked up and taken away” to new families in Wales. Brian recalls, prior to leaving his home at the age of four, actually watching the German bombs being set off just beyond his backyard. “It just wasn’t safe for children to be there,” he says.
After the war, as Brian explains, nothing was the same. He, his mother and his sister packed up and went to live with their grandmother. From that point on, his father was seldom mentioned. Brenda does recall the odd time she and Brian were able to sneak a visit to their father and, while staying at a boarding school, Brenda vaguely remembers her father trying to contact her.
As the time passed, Brian says he grew more and more eager to get out of England. Eventually, with “a duffel bag and 60 dollars,” he left and ended up in Canada. Ten years later, Brenda immigrated as well. It was at this time, after Brian had left home, that Graham was born.
However, after all the time that has passed without contact, Graham, Brian and Brenda are more than happy to make up for lost times. “When my mother died, I thought I was alone. There was just me and Brenda,” says Brian.
“But now we have Graham and this big family. It just shows how much your life can change,” he says with a huge grin.
Graham certainly agrees, and he finds comfort in the fact that he put forth so much effort to find his family. “If anyone is going to research their family tree, stick with it!” he says. “I never gave up and I’m so glad I didn’t because you never know.”
Graham assures the family that he’s still continuing his research and jokes that he may even stumble upon a family relation to a celebrity.
He was able to help Brenda find out where her uncle died, after he went missing during the war. They had never been told he was found, but Graham was able to find out that her uncle’s body was found in Singapore.
“He even helped me discover who my grandfather was,” she adds, her voice filled with admiration for her brother.
For three siblings who always had an inkling that some form of their identity was missing, they certainly have achieved a sense of closure. “It was such a relief that someone spoke about it,” says Graham, referring to his father’s passing words. They all look at each other and agree that family secrets will never be an issue again. “We never want our children to miss out on their history,” insists Brian.
And as the family sits and enjoys the rest of their day together, shuffling through photographs and laughing at moments from their latest family reunion, there’s a sense of ease that fills the air. No longer will the three have to grapple with understanding their family history. Now, they have the joy of discovering it together.
By Christina Coughlin
Focus on Scugog
Personalities
